Dhyāyato Viṣayān: The Dance of Desire and Detachment is the electric tension between my Ephemeral Pleasures vs Eternal Quest and how I'm constantly trying to walk the Middle Path
Inside my head, this is how I often imagine myself. (Disclaimer: all images generated here are using AI)
Sitting here, lost in the complexities of life, I find myself playing a game of emotional chess while everyone else seems to be playing checkers. It’s like I’m navigating a board with infinite moves, trying to balance my desires and spirituality, while the rest stick to simpler rules, content with more straightforward paths. Talk about being an intentional stubborn pure Vaishakh Nandan aka donkey.
By the way, fun fact do you know why they are called so? Well, Donkeys enjoy summer season as they think that they have eaten All the grass in a particular area but the fact is that the grass becomes dry. It is observed by scientist that due to this psychology they gain weight. Hence if we refer Sanskrit meaning of 'Vaishakh' is Summer and that for 'nandan' is a happy.
I have always lived my life inside my head voluntarily because I find the real world not worth my attention & I continue to enjoy my surreal imaginations which may or may not bear any iota of resemblance to what's happening around me, talk about Blissful Ass-imus Ignoramus Maximus 4.0 !
I’m at crossroads where my desire for worldly love meets my yearning for spiritual growth. Being 40, a point where many people begin to look back at their lives, collecting the experiences of love and living, preparing for a shift towards deeper spiritual pursuits. Vedic tradition states this as a natural transition from the Grihastha ashram (householder stage) to the Sannyasa ashram (stage of renunciation). As it’s said in the Vedas, "दुर्लभं मानुषं जन्मं" (Durlabham Mānuṣam Janmaṃ) – human life is rare and precious, a chance to balance the worldly and the divine. And look how I have wasted (& immensely enjoyed) it by collecting only memories & lessons, & nothing to quantify in a bank statement for instance.
My personal reflections & experiences solidify my belief that love, in its purest form, is divine.
I was NOT that person, always chasing ROIs of dopamines & adventure just for the pursuit of it. I do my best when I'm in love - with an idea, an action, a pursuit, a person .. anything that's driven with passion & love gets my heart, attention & brains. But love with a goal is conditional, quid pro quo transaction right ? Never succeeded that approach first time, but I learnt nothing from this flaw. So i loved the second time, and it made all the sense in the world. Disappointment & emotional non availability from the loved one often leads to greater epiphanies.
It also made me wonder if my quest for worldly love is just another expression of my love for the Divine. After all, human connections teach us about vulnerability, presence, and the beauty of being fully engaged with another soul. Perhaps my longing for a deep, meaningful relationship mirrors my soul’s quest to connect with something greater, something eternal. Mind = 🎇, oh yeah !
And then, there’s this pull towards solitude and self-reflection. It’s like there are two distinct Me in my brain.
Anyways, One voice craves the fulfillment of a life built on love, companionship, and shared dreams—a life where I can savor the joys of a home and the warmth of human connection. This voice feels like it's echoing through the corridors of my present lifetime, pushing me towards creating a world that’s rich with love and laughter. Even if I failed once, should I try one last time ?
But can't be so simple for there is the other voice, however, seeks peace in solitude. It yearns for the quiet moments where I can meditate, delve into spiritual teachings, and work towards moksha (liberation). It whispers that the transient pleasures of life can be disappointing, urging me to look within for self-sufficiency and deeper wisdom. This voice seems to be carrying the weight of lifetimes, guiding me towards a path of renunciation and spiritual growth.
Balancing these desires feels like a constant battle, and I often find myself caught in the crossfire. It’s challenging to reconcile these two aspects of myself—one that is deeply invested in the world and another that is ready to transcend it.
Bhagavad Gita says, "ध्यायतो विषयान् पुंसः संगस्तेषूपजायते" (Dhyāyato Viṣayān Puṃsaḥ Saṅgasteṣūpajāyate) – by thinking about sense objects, attachment to them is formed.
So How do I let go of these attachments while still embracing the life I have? Someone get me Krishna on hotline please !
In those moments of conflict, I remind myself that life is not a linear journey. It’s a series of ebbs and flows, a dance between joy and sorrow, attachment and detachment. As we grow, it’s natural to face resistance, to grapple with contradictions. It’s in these moments of struggle that we find our true strength and direction.
Growth is like electricity—it needs resistance to generate power. That’s precisely what I feel right now. The tension between my worldly desires and my spiritual aspirations creates a powerful current. It’s this electricity that propels me forward, urging me to find a way to integrate both aspects of my life.
What if, instead of choosing between love and renunciation, I could find a middle path? Perhaps there is a way to honor my desire for companionship while nurturing my spirituality. Maybe I can find a partner who respects my need for solitude and supports my spiritual journey. After all, true companionship can be a spiritual experience in itself—a sacred partnership that enriches both our earthly and spiritual lives.
The wisdom of the Vedic texts often guides me in these moments of doubt.
Mahabharata says, "सुखस्य दुःखस्य न कोऽपि दाता" (Sukhasya Duḥkhasya Na Ko'pi Dātā) – no one else is the giver of happiness or distress. It reminds me that I am the architect of my own experience, a lazy one but it will do. I have the power to shape my journey, to decide how I channel the energies within me, or not. Either ways, it's Bhavitavya.
As I navigate this intricate game of chess, for now I'm running with both my desires and my quest for spiritual growth close to my heart, does not make me lost or a hypocrite...just weirdly coded by the universe to want to experience everything at the speed of lightening & then pause infinitely staring into the darkness of nothingness. It’s not about choosing one over the other but finding harmony between them. Life is, after all, a delicate balance—a dance between the temporal and the eternal. And maybe, just maybe, I can find my way through this beautiful, complex dance, honoring both my worldly and spiritual selves. And even if nobody finds me, I find myself. I am not lost, just on a lesser crowded path.
I am - Unmani 💖
Comments
Post a Comment