Challenges of an Unbridled Spirit: Swinging wildly between Real and Apparent Change while awaiting the exit process

Life is a constant debate with a very stubborn opponent—self. Here I am, a single mother juggling work, bills, and the ever-elusive quest for five minutes of peace. My heart is a battlefield, worn out from the endless war of love lost and unfulfilled dreams. But in the midst of this heart break and chaos, I've stumbled upon two philosophies that mirror my current state of being: Parinama Vada and Vivarta Vada.

For those of you not familiar, allow me to break it down. Parinama Vada is the theory of real change. It suggests that change is intrinsic and inevitable, much like my patience wearing thin from the stress of explaining space exploration to my child while managing a RFI call or a Pipeline review of my team. This theory says that the effect is real and pre-exists in the cause, just waiting to unfold.

On the other hand, Vivarta Vada is the theory of apparent change. This one posits that what seems like change is just an illusion. It’s like when you think your ex has changed and matured, but reality bullies your idealistically hypersensitive brain once again mocking "when will u learn fool!"... The material effect is still identical with the cause, but what we perceive as change is just a superficial shift.

These theories, Parinama Vada and Vivarta Vada, are facets of Satkarya Vada, which asserts that the effect exists in the cause. Now, if you're like me, a single mother with a relentless unbridled personality, you might see how this resonates on a deeply personal level.

1. Parinama Vada: The Daily Grind of Real Change

Every morning, I wake up and face the real, unavoidable changes in my life. My daughter is growing up, and with each passing day, her questions get tougher and her needs more complex. My job evolves, demanding more of my time and mental energy. My heart, though bruised, adapts. It learns to cope with loneliness, builds resilience, and sometimes even manages to find joy in the smallest of victories—like finding a Sunday morning sunshine, a non chattering house and me enjoying that bliss alone.

Parinama Vada is my reality. It's the theory that life is about constant, real transformation. It's accepting that each wrinkle on my face tells a story of late nights comforting my child after a nightmare, or the stress of juggling deadlines and dinner. The struggles I face are real and shape who I am becoming. They are not illusions; they are the material effects of the causes that are my choices, my circumstances, and my relentless spirit.

2. Vivarta Vada: The Illusion of Change

And then there's Vivarta Vada, the comforting idea that perhaps what seems like change is merely a surface-level illusion. Sometimes, I like to pretend that my struggles are not as monumental as they feel. Maybe my chaotic life is just a mirage, and underneath, I'm still the same person I was before heartbreak and single motherhood redefined my existence. Most often I make jokes about this all (doesn't always help).

Vivarta Vada offers a strange solace. It's the theory that perhaps my ex hasn't really changed, which is why every attempt for finding the middle ground of peace feels like a frustrating trap, a bad kind of déjà vu. It's the idea that maybe the overwhelming stress is just a phase, and deep down, I’m still the carefree girl who believes in romanticizing life and blissful laid back living. This theory suggests that the essence of who I am hasn't really transformed; it's merely wearing different clothes—today's attire being a blend of resilience and exhaustion.

3. Balancing the Philosophies

So, where does that leave me? Caught between the very real, tangible changes of Parinama Vada and the comforting, illusory changes of Vivarta Vada. Both philosophies accept that the effect is pre-existing in the cause, much like my strength and my vulnerabilities were always part of who I am.

In the end, maybe the key is to find balance. To acknowledge that while my life is in a state of constant, real change, some things about me remain unchanged. My love for my child, my unbridled spirit, and my ability to find humor in the absurdity of it all. Whether the change is real or apparent, what matters is that I'm still here, navigating the chaos with a heart that's been broken but refuses to stay down.

So, here’s to the struggle, the laughter, and the unending journey of becoming. After all, life’s greatest beauty lies not in the destination, but in the chaos of its unfolding—whether it’s a real transformation or just an illusion.

Until next time, my fellow warriors of the unbridled spirit, let's embrace the change, real or imagined, and keep moving forward. Because, in the end, it's all part of this beautifully messy journey we call life.