Out of syllabus, ever seeking that cannot be sought

I often feel like a white dwarf star, collapsing under the weight of her own thoughts going deep inside continuously, completely detached from the reality and universal laws & practicalities of the natural world outside.

The world continues to disappoint as I seek more within, the dependencies shudder my skin and the growing thundering noise of the calling from within is getting increasingly hard to ignore.

"I" need to be guided and yet i resist to surrender with faith

"I" want to control my destiny and yet i continue to believe in miracles

"I" see the maaya and yet i refuse to detach from the moh

Hopeless am I,

I am what, I am that ...

So then where am i, why am I even

Comments

a dream and a letter from the future self arrived

When you are not impacted by the lack of an outcome, You become the outcome. So for your case... If you are not affected by the lack of love, You become love. The first thought that flooded my head at 7 after I woke up this Sunday morning...from a dream ...I saw Robin Williams said hi to me..He was smiling. Weird ..a hollywood actor? Hmm...I have been thinking about his sense of humor n personal life lately though...so that must be that. An Imagined Letter from My Future Self (2035) Dear Mimi, You won’t believe this, but I’m writing to you from the farmhouse. Yes, "that" one. The one you dreamed of since you were 12 ...after you got married & told your ex decades back ..in whispers with hesitation what you thought of ...what you wanted to do with sustainable farming with direct produce to consumers using a woman driven community farm even before these words became fashionable and that one, which was nestled in the foothills, where the breeze smells like jasmine and smoke ...

Dancing Shiva and Shakti Within me: Balancing & Laughing in the Divine Play (who am I not enjoy this)

I was watching Dr. Strange yesterday, the movie. It was quite a thought-provoking experience. One theme that resonated deeply with me was the idea of readiness and how we often aren't truly ready for what life throws at us until we face the inevitability of death. This idea led me to a profound realization: life and death are not just parts of a cycle but are intrinsically interconnected. The moment we are born, we begin the process of dying, inching closer to that full circle. And yet, with death, we also see the potential for rebirth, suggesting that life and death are one and the same, continually feeding into each other. The realization ties into a broader spiritual perspective I've been contemplating—the interplay of Shiva and Shakti within us. Shiva, the embodiment of detachment and tranquility, stands apart from the cyclical nature of life and death, while Shakti, the dynamic, passionate energy, immerses herself in the flow of life, with all its desires and struggles. ...

unfinished

12 april 2026, 10:13pm When we love someone, and they love us back... They become a source of light for us. You can bask in their radiating warmth. You can see it, feel it, believe it When we love someone, but they stop loving us... They become shadows. We stand in it, expecting the warmth but we get coldness. We shiver at the absence of what we received before, hoping desperately this will change. It never will. Someone else who could possibly love us isn't able to see us because we are in the dark. It is only when we move out of the shadow of this previous person who doesn't love us anymore can the new person discover where we are. And the cycle of life continues. Possible it is. That in this world of pairs, you could probably remain single (either by choice or destiny, either because you experienced n abandoned it out never ever got to experience it right). You see around, everyone with everyone. You, not. A bit ashamed, sad, regretful of choosing ...

Talking from the Heart - Mine to Urs

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