Talking from the Heart - Mine to Urs

pic source: image generated from ai on text prompt, why am I not even surprised REFLECTIONS of the MADNESS : Monologue  Morning 4 am : Increasingly as life is fleeting from my body, I feel like a white dwarf star, collapsing under the weight of her own thoughts, going deep inside continuously, completely detached from the reality and universal laws & practicalities of the natural world outside. The world continues to disappoint, as I seek more within, the dependencies shudder my skin.. the growing thunderous noise of the calling from within is getting hard to ignore. "I" need to be guided and yet i resist to surrender with faith "I" want to control my destiny and yet i continue to disbelieve in miracles... And vice versa. "I" see the Maaya and yet i refuse to detach from the Moh Hopeless am I? I am what, I am that ... So then where am i? Why am I even ! When I'm trying to be everywhere I am nowhere When The "I" dissolves into ...

I often feel like a white dwarf star, collapsing under the weight of her own thoughts going deep inside continuously, completely detached from the reality and universal laws & practicalities of the natural world outside. The world continues to disappoint as I seek more within, the dependencies shudder my skin and the growing thundering noise of the calling from within is getting increasingly hard to ignore. "I" need to be guided and yet i resist to surrender with faith "I" want to control my destiny and yet i continue to believe in miracles "I" see the maaya and yet i refuse to detach from the moh Hopeless am I,  I am what, I am that ... So then where am i, why am I even 

I have always been fascinated by Shiva. His many forms, his varied personality, and the deep philosophical insights have always drawn me in his presence. My first understanding of the concept of Shiva was from the quote “Neti, Neti” as in not this, not this (as in the Brahman). It teaches us that we should not attach ourselves to any particular idea or belief about Shiva. He is beyond all our limited understanding. We should strive to experience him directly, through meditation and other spiritual practices. This is also found in Bhagavat Gita. I have random thoughts about & off-of & inspired from him. I am putting in words, some of these in the same chaotic fashion (although all are entangled lovingly in some sense in my experiential mind, hard to put in words though) in which they have been flying in my brain lately. Starting with the ultimate sense of joy, passion & enlightenment as I have known it, the pure sensory pleasure of dancing, the ballet, the jog, the sway,...