Skip to main content

mourning the death of love

I have this vision, that I would finally come & find you. Scattered pieces of distance would not stand in my way. Not needing words; the barest of glimpses would suffice for you & me. (Sic, Kafka from letters to milena)

Life, I do not want to complain about you, or complain to you. I only want to say this : I'm still in love with you.

But I was a fool, enough ignorant to live one place. So now, in my heart, I feel orphan, homeless, as in a succession of shelters where I don't feel I belong at all. Never will. 

Sometimes I look at you, like a poor child looks at a sweet shop full of treats, smelling and imagining all the goodness in the store but never able to quite savour the real experience.

This feeling of lack of unnecessary, for there is much love in the world, to give & recieve, to win& loose, to conquer & surrender to... But one doesn't want to try have all the people in the world, and still feel lonely without the one.

What a misery, a paradox, to feel lonely in this unwanted crowd, and keep loving them with all your bruised heart.

Wasn't I supposed to write about separation? But what if I feel departed & not separated. Like one in isolation. 

Maybe this will end one day, the feeling. Maybe I'm waiting for the story to conclude. For only when it ends that one truly feels it all over again.
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

a dream and a letter from the future self arrived

When you are not impacted by the lack of an outcome, You become the outcome. So for your case... If you are not affected by the lack of love, You become love. The first thought that flooded my head at 7 after I woke up this Sunday morning...from a dream ...I saw Robin Williams said hi to me..He was smiling. Weird ..a hollywood actor? Hmm...I have been thinking about his sense of humor n personal life lately though...so that must be that. An Imagined Letter from My Future Self (2035) Dear Mimi, You won’t believe this, but I’m writing to you from the farmhouse. Yes, "that" one. The one you dreamed of since you were 12 ...after you got married & told your ex decades back ..in whispers with hesitation what you thought of ...what you wanted to do with sustainable farming with direct produce to consumers using a woman driven community farm even before these words became fashionable and that one, which was nestled in the foothills, where the breeze smells like jasmine and smoke ...
Post a Comment
Read more

Dancing Shiva and Shakti Within me: Balancing & Laughing in the Divine Play (who am I not enjoy this)

I was watching Dr. Strange yesterday, the movie. It was quite a thought-provoking experience. One theme that resonated deeply with me was the idea of readiness and how we often aren't truly ready for what life throws at us until we face the inevitability of death.  This idea led me to a profound realization: life and death are not just parts of a cycle but are intrinsically interconnected. The moment we are born, we begin the process of dying, inching closer to that full circle. And yet, with death, we also see the potential for rebirth, suggesting that life and death are one and the same, continually feeding into each other. The realization ties into a broader spiritual perspective I've been contemplating—the interplay of Shiva and Shakti within us. Shiva, the embodiment of detachment and tranquility, stands apart from the cyclical nature of life and death, while Shakti, the dynamic, passionate energy, immerses herself in the flow of life, with all its desires and struggles. ...
Post a Comment
Read more

Zooming in & out, Timing is Everything!

Ever feel like you're juggling two maps at once? One's a satellite view, all grand and sweeping; the other's a street map, crammed with tiny details. That's kinda like life, isn't it? There's the "cosmic" crowd, the ones who see life as a giant play, already scripted. We're just actors, following cues. Destiny, karma, the whole shebang...all about detachment. Like, "Yeah, I'm "in" this scene, but I'm not gonna get too attached to the props." It's a cool way to stay chill when life throws curveballs... So just " zoom-out ". Then there's the " zoom-in " folks. They're obsessed with the Now .... Every breath, every heartbeat, every fleeting thought. It's like they're on a perpetual nature hike, spotting the tiniest wildflowers. Nothing gets past them. This can lead to some serious zen moments, but hey, sometimes you just wanna binge-watch Netflix without analyzing your pop...
Post a Comment
Read more